I her a second chance. We got back

I feel like everyone has their own course or path that their life is going to take them on. To me this path has been clear since the first month of freshman year. I thought I had it made in the shade. I thought nothing would ever change and life was gonna be perfect. This is a true story about me and the so called love of my life. It occurred extremely recently actually, only ending Friday the 13th, when I found myself and realized the moral of my own story. We met in first period and it was set from there. We both knew to ourselves that we had feelings for the other, but neither of us knew the opposite. I didn’t know she felt for me and she didn’t know I felt for her. This is the story that taught me to live my life to the fullest, that love changes and you can only move forward.For an entire year and a half I had an on an off relationship with this girl, we’ll call her Madeline. Madeline and I had first period science freshman year together. The first day I walked into that class and layed eyes on her I knew she was the one, and things only got better from there. After a day I asked her for her number and we talked nonstop whenever we had free time. About a week later we both realized that the other person had feelings for us too. The following month we started dating. We were going strong for probably 4 months until I found out she had cheated on me. I know this whole thing sounds cliche and that I’m only 16 but keep in mind, At that time I thought this was the one, I thought I was never gonna be with anyone else. Any ways, we were only apart for a week or two. She apologized and begged for forgiveness, I forgave her and promised myself if it happened again I wouldn’t give her a second chance. We got back together and spent another half a year together until we broke up again. Pre-ap classes, sports, work, driving school, family, every stress imaginable was weighing down on both of us and we mutually agreed a break was for the best. We needed to take time to get everything taken care of and just figure things out. That break lasted no time at all because it was us, we couldn’t resist being together. That relationship continued strong until two weeks agoA little over two weeks ago, on September 29th, we broke up. This time for good. Or at least until she can’t help herself anymore, but when she tries to come back, I won’t be there for her, because I’ve moved on with my life. Up until Friday, she could’ve said she wanted to get back together and I would’ve immediately said yes. Those two weeks after she left, I was wrapped around her finger and I wasn’t letting go. I wouldn’t accept the fact we couldn’t be together, I wouldn’t move on. I didn’t everything in my power to try to convince her to just give me one chance, but she wasn’t changing her mind, she wasn’t budging. I didn’t eat for 5 days during the second week, not consciously, I just had no appetite. The little amount of water I was drinking, I threw up. I physically and mentally wasn’t functioning without her, but she wasn’t changing her mind. On Friday night, I took a shower at 7 pm. As the water rolled over my hair, I leaned against the cool marble of the shower wall, listening to the same sad song on repeat. I stood there for well over an hour, no emotion, not knowing what I was doing, absolutely blank in the head. Sometime near the end it just clicked. That was probably the best shower I could’ve ever taken. I stepped out a changed person. Somehow in that emotionless hour I had rewired my brain to be able to live without her. The following day, I started my new life, having gained this new knowledge that the so called “love of my life,” wasn’t really my life. This is the part where I finally got over her, and I didn’t care whether she was in my life or if I was with someone else. I hung out all day with a handful of friends until around 5:00, when everyone left and I went to a separate party. Just a smaller party, 10-15 friends ranging from really close to just regular filler friends. It was probably one of the most enlightening nights of my life. I got to the party and only 4 people were already there. The girl that invited me, we’ll call her Allie, and three of my other friends, three girls and one guy in total. Slowly people starting showing up until 5:30 came around and everyone who was coming had shown up. We started a fire, ate some food and were just chilling around having the usual “best friends” conversations. When it finally got dark around 7:00 we were just all messing around in the dark, running through the woods, playing hide and seek in the dark, a few other things that won’t be mentioned. Anyways, it was about 8:00 and we all went into the detached guest house to hang out and play group games. For about an hour we played this game where the person next to you whispered a question in your ear, you pointed at someone in the group who you chose, and flipped a coin. If you called the correct side you didn’t have to say the question, but if you got it wrong, you had to tell everyone what the question was and everyone knew who your answer was. For example like, “out of the group who would you kiss,” you know, teenage shit. That lasted for and hour or so, and we found out a lot about each other. After that, We played Truth or Dare and you couldn’t refuse what you were asked to say or do, you absolutely had to do it. The average teenage questions and dares were asked, people did stupid stuff, confessed deep things, extreme things happened. Anyway, just about every girl in the room was dared to kiss me at some point or another during the game. None of this is what ultimately made me realize the moral of my current life story, it was what happened next. The party was over around 2:00 a.m. All the girls where staying the night and the three other guys had already left. The rest of us were still just sitting around talking and Allie’s dad came into the room and with a tired, groggy voice said, “Allie why is there still a guy here?” So I told him I was just about to leave and I started getting up. That’s when he told me he didn’t care if I stayed, so obviously, I stayed. The night progressed and I woke up the next morning around 11:00, said bye to everyone as they left, and with eyes half shut, started cleaning up the room filled with blankets, pillows, and half empty neon colored drinks from our midnight Dutch Bros run. We took her dogs on a walk and layed in the grass at the park, talking about what we wanted from this and how we wanted to take it casually and not rush into any commitment too soon.My life going forward is gonna be based on this story. Remembering that love will come naturally, it’s nothing to be forced. At the age I am now, I need to be enjoying life, not wishing it away, not dreaming for the future with one person. I need to be focusing on myself, ensuring I have as much fun as possible while I still can, before I have to face the reality I wished for in the past. I’m going to live my life to the fullest, not taking for granted the amazing experiences I can have everyday